Category: diary

#MischievousGod

Hi everyone! I was going to make a post on this blog announcing the publication of my book, but I totally forgot.

Anyways, it was published by Comma Books and KPG Gramedia. It’s a collection of ten long essays about me and my life and my childhood. I tried to stay away from topics like romance, because let’s be honest: there are only so many ways to tell a love story. There are a lot of weighty things inside the pages but I hope that you can find some truth in it.

 

To be entirely frank with you, I did feel a little rushed while writing this book. I had only 2-3 months to prepare it, and I think it would’ve benefitted a lot from several rounds of edits and revisions. So if you see any grammatical errors or writing mistakes, please forgive me.

Writing this book has released a burden from my back. For such a long time I was obsessed with external validation; I’d compare myself to other writers in my age group and wonder why I was so far behind. Mischievous God helped me realize that none of that matters at all. We are often surrounded by echo chambers that chorus back to use exactly what we say we need to hear, and that is nice but not conducive to growth.

So instead I have resigned myself to the fact that popularity and wide acceptance are not as important as we are telling ourselves they are. And I thank the world for the adversity it has given me so far, because it has propelled me to continually change and hone my craft.

If ever you feel frustrated by how far behind you are or how lacking you are in some perceived necessary character trait, remember that so many times you are not as privileged as the people above you. Whether it is because they had more time, more money, more lessons, more support–imagine how wonderful the world could be if everyone had unlimited amounts of support!

All we can keep doing is our best.

Warmly,

Ebi

Don’t Read the Comments

(Enjoy this selfie of me bc I didn’t know what else to put for the image on this post).

Honestly, just don’t read the comments.

I had the honor of being published by WorkingMother.com–I wrote a piece entitled “What a Teen Mom and College Dropout Wishes Other Working Moms Would Realize“. My goal in writing it was to uplift other young mothers and to reassure them that they’re doing a great job, no matter what other people are saying.

I made the mistake of reading the comments on the Facebook post (I know, I know–everyone warns against this). I have to admit, my face got super duper red while I was reading them. I know I shouldn’t care.

One woman said that my story was trite and oversimplified–a bit disheartening, considering I’ve never really been called trite before. She even asked, “Why would they even publish something on this subject by someone only a year in?”

Another lady replied, “I snickered when she got to the part about not needing a college degree…Good luck getting a lucrative career without one.”

I was so upset! I still am. I wanted to write a long reply back and tell them to maybe get some self-awareness and realize that they’re exactly the type of people I was referencing in my story–mothers who, instead of uplifting other parents, try to insult them and ridicule them.

I feel like there’s a big damper on young perspectives and other marginalized groups. Maybe I am still a green idiot. I’m nineteen–so don’t expect me to be as aged or mature as some grandparents are. But I’m doing my best. And honestly? Their comments proved the necessity of my post. Young mothers already get enough criticism from their family members and people around them of their horrible, awful, life-ruining mistake. We get it. As a young parent and working mother, I need support. I need friends. That’s why I wrote that story–because I know how lonely and awful it is to feel like no one is on my side. And like it or not, we need to hear more voices from marginalized groups.

With their dismissive, insulting comments, and their implications that since my daughter is less than a year old, I don’t have much authority on the subject–they proved my point.

How unkind of you women! Do you see yourselves? Do you have any sense of self-awareness?

“Maybe it was less her age that made people wonder if she would be a good mom and more her naivety”.–do you realize how that sounds? Do you realize how arrogant, dismissive, and unkind you come off as?

Refutations

“Why would they publish something on this subject by someone only a year in?”

Stop gatekeeping. Just because I’m a new mother doesn’t mean I’m not a mother. Representation involves sharing perspectives from people from many different walks of life, not just the ones you approve of.

“I snickered when she got to the part about not needing a college degree…Good luck getting a lucrative career without one.”

Susi Pudjiastuti is a high-school dropout. And now she’s Indonesia’s Minister of Maritime Affairs and Fisheries. She owns a seafood export company and a charter airline. Eat those words. Eat them! The only point I made was that a college degree is not necessary for survival. I never said it would be easy. I never talked about lucrative careers. All I said was that college degree =/= success in life.

“Maybe it was less her age that made people wonder if she would be a good mom and more her naivety.”

How dare you? I talked in my story about how we need to uplift other parents instead of bringing them down. Did you read that part? You can assume my naivety all you want, but you know very little about me. Despite the shitty hands I’ve been dealt, I choose to continue believing and hoping. If that’s naive, then so be it.

“I found this really trite and oversimplified“.

Of course it’s oversimplified–it’s only a thousand words. But it’s not trite. As a young mother I’ve found that what I needed more than anything else was emotional support and someone to say, “I’m here for you. You’re not alone. You can do it, because I believe in you.”

Your darkest days are over. Your career is established. But for new/young/teen parents, the world has just changed so much and everything still seems scary. I’m writing for them.

Anyways, thank you to everyone who’s commented on both the Working Mother post and the Magdalene one. I appreciate all of you who have expressed your support!

My warmest regards,
Ebi

 

 

Holiday Gift Shopping

I’m a little sad today, because one of my indie perfumes fell to the floor and the glass cracked! Now our bedroom smells wonderful, but my perfume is gone T^T

The first issue that I’ve run into with these blogs: what do I do when I want to talk about the same thing on two different websites?! This was supposed to be a blog about my daily life, but I also want to share today’s topic (gifts) on Honeygotchi… and I don’t want that site to be penalized because of duplicate content… woe is me!

Oh well. Today’s all about 1) getting scripts done 2) revising the Big Important Project (that I actually had a terrible dream about–I dreamt that it launched and that no one came and that it turned out to be awful and no one gave me flowers or congratulated me, and it was so scary), 3) writing my next article, and 4) MAKING CHRISTMAS SHOPPING PLANS.

YES. It’s time! This year I’m not really shopping for that many people. My mom, brothers, husband, maybe my close friends… it’s been a pretty busy year, after all.

One thing you should know about me is that I absolutely LOVE giving gifts. (You know what? I’ll just talk about the process here, and share the finished products over on Honeygotchi. That way I can talk about the same thing, but in different ways). I love packing everything and just trying to figure out what to put inside and I love wrapping everything and making it look amazing ♡ So now that I actually have disposable income, you bet I’m gonna dispose of it the best way I know how.

I’m going to make care packages for my family, and then I’m going to go all out with some sort of “kit” for my husband. I’m also doing an exchange with @cherikitten, one of my new friends from Instagram. That’ll be a lot of fun… And I also signed up for Reddit Gifts so that I can join the Christmas exchange! I wonder who I’ll be paired with ♡

Just a quick update for everyone today. I went to the in-mall playground a few days ago with Baby. She gets cooped up a lot so I thought some happy time would be nice! And we also slept over at one of Mr. Husband’s friend’s houses so that he could get some help on his assignment.

To be entirely honest, I’m absolutely still struggling with the idea of “not being enough”. What is it about this world that makes us feel so inferior? Confession: I’ve been thinking about deleting social media, so that maybe I can finally stop comparing myself with other people.. Still, those are really just passing thoughts. For now, I’m going to keep on keeping on, with social media and all of my other projects. I finally finished work on the Big Important Project, so hopefully the rest of the year will end nicely.

How are you doing? Any fun plans in store for the holidays? ♡ (I can’t believe Thanksgiving is next week!).

An influx of random indie perfume + investing plans ♡

Okay, so some of you may know that I am a total perfume freak (or am slowly developing into one). I blame it on r/indiemakeupandmore over on Reddit. Anyways, here’s the deal. I keep buying stuff! One of my favorite brands right now is Poesie Perfumes, but I am a bit fond of Solstice Scents too. Granted, those are the only two perfumeries I’ve tried, but…hehehe.

Let’s face it. No one wants to read blogs from boring, fake people about their perfect lives. I kind of mentioned this in my first post, right? It just seems so insincere. Usually when we read blogs we want to connect with the person writing, right? That’s why I’m going to try and be as honest as possible here. (I had a horrible run in with someone nosy who read my blog a year or so ago, and I’ve actually had a hard time getting over that. It was pretty weird, knowing that some creep was Insta-stalking and blog-stalking my website and then trying to interrogate Mr. Husband about my life).

I’m one of those Ju-On kind of people, I guess, always nursing a grudge. I’m trying to be better about it..

Anyways, what else have I been up to lately? Not much, really. I’ve been working my butt off on these video scripts, which is actually a lot of fun. I’ve also been scraping away at my ~secret project~, trying to get it done before the month is over. I’m thinking of it as my NaNoWriMo, even though I was already 35,000 words in when November rolled around. I will officially announce that some time soon, I promise!

I have an issue, guys. I keep doing all this crap to try and prove to myself that I’m worth something. I keep writing and writing and writing and sending query letters and pitches to online publications, and writing poetry, and doing this and that. I’m not even that old yet. And I keep pushing myself to do too much stuff. I’ve been trying to figure out what I’m so afraid of. What am I running for? Who am I running towards?

I think it has something to do with my terrible feeling of inadequacy, which permeates most things I do. I always feel like I’m doing something wrong or that I’m imperfect, so I have to make up for it with a bunch of accomplishments. That way I’ll still be valuable. That’s the trap a lot of my friends have gotten caught in, apparently. I hope I can raise my baby better. I want her to know that she’s always loved, and that she’s valuable simply because she was born. She won’t have to do anything extra to earn my love.

Aside from Bareksa I’ve also been messing around with Tanifund and Bitcoin.co.id, though I’m not making much headway there. I’m too shy, I guess! I’ll make sure to write a review of those as soon as possible. To tell you the truth, I’m having a lot more fun on my beauty blogging website right now…

Mr. Ebi has been working on his TGA (thesis, because in Indonesia even undergraduates have to complete those) for the past few weeks. It gets kind of rough, especially with Baby on our hands. But we’re making it work so far.

I hope everyone’s having a nice day! Don’t get too stressed out about anything.

All my love,
Ebi ♡

Hello world!

I have started and restarted this blog a number of times, and this is the umpteenth time doing so because for some reason, all of my files have disappeared. Unfortunately, I do not feel like uploading 700 MB of data and waiting 4+ hours for a backup that may not even restore properly, so we are starting all over again!

I feel like nowadays, everyone on the Internet is either incredibly guarded or incredibly fake. To tell you the truth, I long for that period of time ten years ago on LiveJournal and everywhere else, when people would overshare ridiculous stories about their day and form little, warm communities.

It seems that every other blogger on the Internet in the past few years is just incredibly phony (thanks, Holden Caulfield). They create these shiny, smooth surfaces that are wonderful to look at, but once you knock on them, you’ll find that they’re hollow. Whenever I open a blog, it just feels like I’m being targeted by a machine and that I”m reading about companies, not people.

And what’s with the whole “hustle” and “online business guru” mindset that so many copywriters have nowadays? Half of the time I hear about (or from) copywriters, it’s because they’re advertising for some ridiculous $500 course full of rehashed information that’s easily available online. It just sounds cheap and disingenuous.

Anyways–first and foremost, I am a writer, not a businessman or a marketer. I love words, and I love the act of creation. I am inspired to write because I have seen firsthand how powerful language can be in the hands of those who wield it properly.

Welcome to my blog, warts and all. I’m trying to care less about superficial things and to live more authentically. I’ll probably use this website as a place to host my daily thoughts, sell my books, gently advertise my writing services, and compile all of my works so far.

I hope you enjoy your stay.

Warmest regards,
Ebi